Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
