well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
