So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
