so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
