did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
