wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
