Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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