Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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