is your mom at the bar?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
