Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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