we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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