I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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