this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
