i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
