She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
