I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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