Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
