So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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