I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
