You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
