Your tits are I can't wait for
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
