I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
