dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
