I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
