Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
