i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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