I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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