So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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