You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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