You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
