I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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