My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
