Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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