I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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