I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
