he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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