i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
