How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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