I can text with my tongue
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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