Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
