Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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