got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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