I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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