I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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