So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
