Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
