its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
