I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
