we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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