This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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