I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
