The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
