Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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