Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
