He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
