weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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