Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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