Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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