i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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