I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its liver damage thursday
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
